Short notes on identity and ambition.

Questions I ponder on sleepless nights and long days: What do I want to do?  Who do I want to be? Who am I? What’s the point? How can I make money?

‘You do You’.

No-one can be you better than you , you are your own best selling point.

Great! Sounds easy. I can do that.

Who am I though? Am I who I was 15 or 10 or 5 years ago? Does it matter if I am? Or if I’m not? Am I the same, but different?

How do I get there from here?

As a graduate of English Literature, I’ve long struggled with having, or not, a marketable skill set and a sense of direction (yes, yes I know all about the competencies of an Arts degree thank you) and have fallen into a career of convenience.

I’m not the only one. My work place alone is full to the rafters of people doing paycheck jobs whilst also being wildly creative, or academic, or politically active in their spare time. In many ways this is an ideal situation as it frees you from chasing the money in your creative life. The downside is of course that the nine to five is soul destroying, and you want to die inside a little everytime someone asks, casually, ‘So what do you do?’ as if that isn’t one of the most complex and anxiety inducing questions of all time.

I wish the question wasn’t what do you do? I wish it was, what do you love? what makes you laugh? what do you want to be? what do you like to do?

Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life

Sounds great, I love reading books and scrolling on Twitter – how much does it pay and when can I start?

But maybe we shouldn’t be trying to make money from our passions.

To have found something you love to do, to be working towards something, to be creating, to be sharing with like minded people – isn’t that the dream I should be chasing, which is as elusive as the three figure salary, and oh, so much more fulfilling.

I have gained much inspiration from this quote I read in a piece on, and I think about it regularly.

Mediocre life
What If All I Want is a Mediocre Life ? 

It’s not the size of your dream, or the scale of your ambition that matters, rather that it is yours.

Since I started blogging and creating I have met and interacted with so many amazing women, that I would not have otherwise met. People ask me what my goal is. To be honest, I don’t have one. If all I achieve is meeting talented, funny, creative women – that is enough. If all I achieve is creating something that speaks to some of these women – that is enough.

It is more than enough.

10 thoughts on “Short notes on identity and ambition.

  1. Really enjoyed and empathise with this. I hate the ‘what do you do?’ question, it always feels judgemental and I’m never confident in my response. It’s not an easy question to answer when you do many things. I think I might start answering with another question. Great quote too! Thanks x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wrote on a similar topic today. My problem is even though I know the mediocre life I’ve built is actually amazing, I can’t help but crave more. Great that you have your mind in the right place!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very pertinent piece for me. I think I am reconciled with my mediocre but unique and OK-ish life. I struggled for years with the fact that I believed I had failed in so many spheres: my ‘career’ is an embarrassment, my house is an embarrassment; I couldn’t even have the children that I felt typically apathetic about. I didn’t sleep at all between ages 37 and 42, worrying about how crap I was. Of it all, the career thing was my biggest let-down: I would have palpitations and cold sweats about the fact that I was never going to be someone interesting, doing something I loved. But yeah I’ve come to terms with the fact that I won’t make money from my passions – but just having them is enough. I love my passions. Also, I cared/worried more about what I did than other people did – to many, my shitty office job sounded great because of the inexplicable cachet attached to the institution I work in. Little do they know…. but hey, no harm in them thinking it’s a great ‘job for life’! (vomits).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I still struggle with the what do you do question – not that I meet many new people who ask me that but it still makes me uncomfortable. But finding something I Iove to do and am interested in has made a huge difference.

      Liked by 1 person

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