The Day Before

It is Wednesday night, 3rd March 2010: The Day Before.

I know tomorrow he is coming. I know because every night, for the last two weeks, I have gone to bed, waiting for him to come, but he didn’t. I woke, each morning, still one person, and not two.

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The day before, we went out for dinner, my husband and I, the last hurrah. We had an argument, who can recall the details now? We were obviously both dying of nerves, wanting to be normal, but unable to communicate properly , consumed by  tension and fear.

What was I afraid of, the day before?

  • I wouldn’t get an epidural in time.
  • I had never changed a nappy before. 
  • I didn’t know about babies: I was scared of babies.
  • I didn’t know how to talk to babies. 
  • I had only held about three babies in my life. 
  • How do you bath a baby? 

I was so worried about having a baby, most of my fears hardly went past the first six months: labour, nappies, bathing, feeding, sleeping. Why was I worried about a baby? It’s not a baby you’re having, its a life. You reduce it to the size of a tiny baby to avoid confronting all the complex realities of it. You worry about things like nappies and baths and toenails because if you let your mind wander beyond that you might sink.

You have no idea of the amount of things you will be worried about in six years time:

  • Debilitating costs of childcare and financial struggles.
  • The precarious state of your own mental health.
  • The strain on your relationship.
  • The loneliness of not having your own family in the same country.
  • Your lack of career.
  • ADHD and ASD.

You don’t even know what these words mean, the day before.

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26 comments

  1. A profound and lovely piece. There is so much to worry about, before & after, that the brain could never contain it all without bursting. Love these fotes.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh so true, I was also that Mum who was terrified of babies and had never changed a nappy. I’d never have believed then I would have gone on to have 6! #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  3. exactly that – a life, not a baby. the baby stage is such a small part really. it is everything that comes after xx #brillblogposts

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderful writing. For me, I didn’t even get as far as worrying about the baby, I just worried about the birth. Beyond that hadn’t really crossed my mind to worry about, believe it or not!
    x Alice
    #kcacols

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Alice. I was similar – I was d consumed with being pregnant I gave v little thought to much else

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Very true, we worry about the smaller picture and not the full picture. I too was only really worried about the burth and the very short-term afterwards. The things I worries about seem so silly now and pale into insignificance compared with the things I think about now! Thanks for sharing. #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow that is so very true. You are so preoccupied with everything you have listed in the first list that you don’t even consider the latter. Yet actually it doesn’t take long until you are stressing over childcare, wondering what happened to the person you once were and also the person your partner was. I don’t think you can even co pretend those things until you have been faced with them, I don’t think the pre child me would have believed it. Thanks for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you can come back again next Sunday.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. baddadu · · Reply

    I cannot remember ‘the day before’ – probably because everything that ensued is so earth-shattering! Lovely elegaic post – thanks. #KCACOLS

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  8. This is so true and such a beautifully expressed post – thank you. It’s because of this I think it’s always good to try and live in the present whenever possible. One day at a time is sometimes the best way to cope with life. Thanks for sharing. #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the lovely comment – genuinely appreciate it !

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  9. I think once a person enters parenthood we never stop worrying. From babies to toddlers, pre-teen, teenagers, then into their adulthood and then grandchildren. We worry because we care, because we love deeply. And sometimes that’s ok! In my opinion! Great post ! Thank you! #KCACOLS

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  10. It’s true, you become so consumed by pregnancy that it’s so easy to forget what comes after the baby was born. Being a parent makes life very difficult, full of fear and guilt and confusion. But it’s worth it right! #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yeah , totally worth it *sarcastic voice* – kidding , kidding !

      Liked by 1 person

  11. From your list of fears before baby came the only one I can relate to was not getting an epidural in time. The rest I was all ok with as I have 7 nieces and nephews – but I had a real concern about pain relief! As for the rest of them….. Piglet is only 5 months old so we have all those worries to come later! #KCACOLS

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  12. Gawd, I love this post. So simply and beautifully put. It’s like a poem. You’re so right too – worrying about a baby’s toenails is so much less scary than worrying about the things that will really matter. #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you , so much . It’s a bit of an odd post for me but so glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Hi, great post. Child birth and parenthood hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t have a clue what to do. My hormones were all over the place – i am usually a very hormonal and emotionally stable person so this hit me for six. I did very little to prepare. Although I don’t really think there is much that I could have done. No books can prepare you for the first six months and no one can predict how each individual mother is going to find the time. Pen x #KCACOLS

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  14. Very well written. It’s amazing how we dwell on the small things instead of stepping back and looking at the big picure. #ForTheLoveOfBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I loved this. You are right, I too was thinking of all the small things. Never imagining, the career change, childcare costs, relationship strain etc… I guess it’s a coping mechanism at the time. x Thanks for sharing. #KCACOLS

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  16. Love. Though, we went to antenatal classes and she taught us how to bath the baby which was quite cool. Lovely pictures. #kcacols

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  17. Beautiful, very thought provoking piece. So deep, really.
    I look back on my pre-mom self, and feel like a completely different person. It’s so funny, I was thinking about my pregnancy days not too long ago, and my worries then-they were so, so small. Parenthood changes everything about your life. Thanks so much for sharing ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  18. The Pramshed · · Reply

    This is a beautiful post hun, and it bought back a lot of memories reading it. We also wonder the day before, that this is the last day of having a normal (as we knew at the time) life, before the baby is here. It’s something that we wait for all of pregnancy. For me that didn’t have a natural labour as I was induced, I can remember the day before. We had chicken kiev and chips, Leaving the house was scary. I cried all the way to the hospital. I knew that life would never be the same…..again! But now we have a daughter. The day before is a scary experience. This is a lovely post and I’m so glad you shared it with us at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Oh god I loved this post. So raw and so real just fab! I really liked; “It’s not a baby you’re having, its a life. You reduce it to the size of a tiny baby to avoid confronting all the complex realities of it.” This is spot on. I never really thought long term and if I had it would have certainly terrified me! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

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  20. This is so true! I remember worrying so much about all the early stuff never even thinking about all the even harder stuff to come. It can all be so hard sometimes. Thanks for sharing #ablogginggoodtime

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  21. Beautifully written and you’re write it’s way more than a baby, a life is a huge deal and I’m glad I didn’t know what was coming. It made it even more wonderful #ablogginggoodtime

    Liked by 1 person

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